This is my norm

You know how when you are young and you get cranky and tired and your parents tell you, “You need a nap” but you don’t want to take a nap and surely that isn’t the remedy. But you keep getting fussy and frustrated and whiny (and you really just need a nap) but you don’t want to let down for one second???

Well, apparently that still happens as an adult, but on a much bigger scale. I haven’t been able to put my finger on the exact remedy until recently. I walked into church and the message was on the discipline of SOLITUDE.

As a mother, I don’t get much alone time much less unhurried, solitude with God. I mean, I have all the cliché’ examples and they are all true for me (knocking on the door the second I close it to use the restroom, people calling to me to ask me questions while I shower, exaggerated hand motions while I make phone calls and on and on and on).  I get lost in laundry and homework and entertaining five children of all different attention spans and desires. Plus a husband. And friends. And family. Someone is constantly hungry, needing to be held, needing a peacemaker to intervene, needing instruction, needing discipline. Needing, needing, needing.

It’s exhausting.

And it wears on my emotions and my patience and in many cases a major mommy meltdown follows.

{I will add in here a funny story. Last week as the boys turned one, I was talking with Hayden and reflecting on the year. She gave me a congratulatory smile and said “We did it Mom, we made it one year with the new twins. Good job! And we haven’t freaked out ONCE.”  Um…….Insert WIDE EYED EMOJI here. Apparently this child either has a high tolerance for “freakouts” or a very short memory span.}

When I heard this message at church I sat there and thought, YES!! THIS IS IT!  I NEED SOLITUDE! But solitude with five children, a husband and a million responsibilities is extremely difficult to find, maybe even impossible but just like the parent telling the small child they need a nap, I need solitude.

Time spent off the grid, away from conversations, demands, responsibilities, to simply hear God. To hear what His plan for ME is. I know He created me to be a mother, but I know there is more to my calling than just being a mother. I need to hear His creative plan for me. To understand how my life fits into my calling and what steps I need to take to stay in His plan for me. To just hear Him.

I am linking up the podcast here because I know there are others that need to hear this like I did. It was so encouraging and made me feel like I wasn’t a crazy person, I just need time alone with God. More than my daily time with him, more than weekly bible study and worship times. Absolute solitude. In the meantime, I am working harder on carving out time for myself away from my everyday norm, to take care of me, but also working towards planning time for myself away from EVERYTHING. I encourage you to do the same.

SOLITUDE PODCAST